Brutal Truth


Here I am, almost 33 years old, and nothing to show for it.  I’m angry.  I want to scream at the top of my lungs.  I want to break everything I see.  What’s the problem here?  Why do the good people get shit on?  Why did I go to college THREE TIMES?

This is bullshit.

So I’m here, unemployed.  I have looked everywhere.  I have applied for everything.  I have accepted random, part-time gigs for way less than a living wage, just so I could have a glimmer of pocket change for when things get really bad.  Because things haven’t turned “REALLY BAD” yet.  But hey, I lived in my car once.  I can do it again.

I’m getting turned down for server jobs.  Café jobs.  Babysitting jobs.  All this stuff I can do in my sleep.  I had an interview for a dinky café yesterday morning.  He told me I was overqualified.  I have applied for unemployment, but that doesn’t look too promising.  I think I exhausted all my funds the last time I was a poor, homeless person.

I have a college degree.  Hell, I have two college degrees.  I am a paramedic.  I busted my ass for 15 months, with no sleep, with only 3 whole days off the entire time.  I cried.  I lost my mind.  I never thought I’d make it out alive…but I did.  And for what?  To be pushed aside in a stack of paperwork because I don’t know the right people?  Fuck that.  This country has gone to total shit.  How can you tell me I’m not qualified for a job opening, when I have all the paperwork to prove just how much I sacrificed?

I didn’t sleep for over a year, so I could get thrown up on.

I lost weight because I couldn’t eat.  I did this so someone could assault me and spit in my face.

I had countless migraines due to stress, so I could get up at 3am for your toothache.

I spent $6,000 of my hard-earned money, so I could make $11/hr driving your lazy ass to the hospital.  For what?  Because you needed pain pills.


I took a chance on a feeling, applied for medic school, got accepted, and smashed it like a boss.  So maybe, just maybe, I could save someone.  Those times are few and far between, but that’s why any of us in EMS do this stupid shit.

SO GIVE ME A JOB.  I’m pleading with you, world.  I may not be good enough for a boy, fast enough to win a bike race, or happy enough to please myself,  but I am a good medic.  Don’t let me slip through your fingers without a chance.  I deserve a chance.



6 Comments Add yours

  1. Longman says:

    Hang in there, there’s a reason you aren’t getting those jobs, the right job is coming along soon.

  2. The Rizz says:

    You don’t know me from Adam, but I discovered your blog through cyclocross enthusiasm. I hope you keep fighting and get that break!

  3. Stephen says:

    Come to Australia. It’s a happy place

  4. LaurenW says:

    Girl. Not getting paid what you’re worth is one big demoralizing suck fest. Like the whole world is conspiring to tell you that you are not valuable. But you are. Hang in there. They’ll figure out (eventually) what your many friends and family already know.

  5. wncbyker says:

    I read what you are going through and completely know the pains. I’ll be picking back up in P-school(SCC-Sylva) here in the spring. I still ask my self why. I spent time on an Engine in Metro Denver, as a full-time volunteer (Yes, 48 to 72 hours a week and quit a good paying Telecom job to do so. Stupid crazy, I know). Then in Denver Health ER as a EMT-B / ER Tech and I was making more then what all starting paramedics make here in WNC. I just about lost my shit when I found that out. I say follow that dream for Med School.. Hell if you can make it out to Cali, you may have a chance to get Med School paid for by the State. I’ll have to find that program again..

    If you ever just want to shoot the shit, hit me up. Between cycling, and EMS, I’m sure we have some funny story’s to brighten an overcast day, and you know how many of those we’ve had this year. I have many resources here in the Jackson and Swain Counties west of AVL if you’re willing to drive a little for mediocre wages. hehe.. I wish you the best…

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