I tried desperately to keep my eyes open long enough to see the United States come crumbling down in real time, but multiple sleepless nights and an endless glass of wine rendered me helpless. I slept like a baby for a few hours, then awoke in a panic around 3:30 this morning as I fumbled to find my phone in a stack of fluffy pillows. The sensation I experienced after learning the news was similar to how I felt when I got the phone call that my mother had passed away. I was overcome with a profound heaviness and the immense darkness of the night was no match for the gaping black hole that opened up in my heart.

Tears streamed down my face as I attempted to wrap my brain around the evolution of the human race. As an open-minded liberal growing up in a fundamentally conservative Southern state, I wasn’t totally shocked at the result, but I surely hoped the good would shine through. The South was actually rising, it seemed, and I quickly realized just how far we had gone into the rabbit hole. It became impossible to see the good. My hope disappeared. What the fuck have we done? How is it possible to be so advanced, yet revert back to the beginning of time in just a few short hours? I still don’t understand how we got here.

Minorities are grieving today. Opportunities for freedom are fading. The beauty of choice has been tainted. Fathers are having to tell their young children that rape and physical abuse are acceptable forms of treatment. And those of us who’ve experienced physical abuse first hand are being told we deserved it, and we’re nothing more than sexual objects to the almighty man. It took me a very long time to get to a place where I could forgive him for putting his hands on me, but how will I come to forgive the millions of people who support someone like Donald Trump? Well, this is most certainly unforgivable. And I’m not sorry that I don’t forgive you. I will, however, move forward just as I’ve always done.

I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually fearful. I don’t know how I will rebuild the hope I once had for humanity, and I can’t be sure I’ll ever fully recover from this enormous blow. People I once respected and held high have shown me their heart, and I’m not going to pretend I’m Mother Theresa on this one. Betrayal is rampant. Hate is the enemy. And we’re living in a pseudo democracy being run by thieves. So, today… today I will be demolished.

Tomorrow, I fight back.

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